Don’t we all love stories? That is why we are drawn to reading, watching television, following the news, listening to the events of our friends’ days, and sharing our own greatest moments.

Have you ever wondered why we are so fascinated by stories? It is not just for entertainment value — it is because stories bind us together, allow us to feel heard, and assure us we have the strength and confidence to carry on.

With each year that we get older…with each birthday that we celebrate, we pick up stories  worth telling. And it actually could be very beneficial to share those life experiences with our children, grandchildren, and other loved ones.

As the co-author of Your Child Year by Year, Claire Halsey, explains, “Our identity is strongly tied to our family and its history; not only where we’ve come from, but the family characteristics such as adventure, courage, creativity and even the jobs or achievements of family members.”

Halsey also says storytelling reinforces family characteristics and establishes the connection between generations. For instance, this comes through in the simplest way when, in a story, different generations of people are told of characteristics they share with a grandparent, parent, or another relative. Let’s further explore why sharing stories is important.

The Benefits of Storytelling

There are so many benefits to storytelling — from instilling virtues in our children to helping them form identities. As you explore some of the advantages of sharing stories about your family, you will realize why so many people form traditions of gathering around the dinner table or at family reunions.

1. Instill Virtues

Stories that have meaningful messages can instill virtues in your child; they can make them aware of their own culture and roots, opening them up to their family’s customs and traditions. While telling warm family stories can delight everyone, it is important to share the challenging times as well.

When your children and grandchildren hear how you handled a crisis or tragedy, they will be more likely to model those same behaviors when they face a challenge.

It will also show them that strength and resiliency run in the family, so they have what it takes to survive until good times come around again.

2. Develop Skills

Children are constantly observing the world around them and absorbing the words of others. You can ensure they develop the skills they need to navigate the world as successful adults by sharing stories from your past. For example, storytelling can improve your child’s listening skills, language skills, and sharpen their memory.

3. Shape Identity

On a deeper level, telling your children family stories can help them form their own identities. They will understand where they have come from, and what their ancestors have been through, and recognize where their similarities and differences lie. Once they can fit themselves into their family’s shared history, their confidence will grow, and they will experience greater psychological well-being.

Benefits Backed by Research

Are you still wondering why sharing stories is important and if it can really make that much of a difference by telling your loved ones about your past experiences? Well, over the years, there have been several studies showing that people who know more about their family’s history have more control over their lives and higher self-esteem.

One such study was conducted by Psychologists Dr. Marshall Duke and Dr. Robyn Fivush. They developed a measure called the “Do You Know?” scale that asked 20 questions. These questions are timeless and include things like: Do you know where your grandparents grew up? Do you know where your mom and dad went to high school? Where did your parents meet? Do you know of an illness or something terrible that happened in your family? Do you know the story of your birth?

Dr. Duke and Dr. Fivush asked those questions of four dozen families and taped several of their conversations. They compared the results to several psychological tests the people had taken. The result? The more that was known about the family’s history, the stronger the sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem, and the more successfully they believed their families functioned.

The “Do You Know?” scale turned out to be the best single predictor of children’s emotional health and happiness. This health and happiness were highly attributed to the transferring of family history and information through the art of storytelling.

Real-Life Example: Stories that Bind Us

The New York Times published an article titled “The Stories That Bind Us,” a narrative by author Bruce Feiler. The narrative tells stories about the challenges Feiler faced at family parties that made him feel like the family was falling apart. The challenges included differences in parenting and overall tension surrounding child and parent behavior and interaction.

The conflict led him to wonder what the special glue is that holds families together.

After much contemplation, Feiler determined the bottom line is, “If you want a happier family, create, refine, and retell the story of your family’s positive moments and your ability to bounce back from the difficult ones. That act alone may increase the odds that your family will thrive for many generations to come.” Retelling stories about your family to your loved ones reinforces and strengthens your bond.

Tips for Collecting Memories & Telling Family Stories

Jonathan Douglas, director of the National Literacy Trust, has these top tips for people to encourage family storytelling and sharing treasured memories:

1. Dig Deeper into the Family History

All families have traditions and a story to tell about them! If your traditions are steeped in history, do some research, and find out everything you can. Also, speak to as many different family members as possible about the traditions, from grandparents to aunties, uncles, and cousins.  Capture your stories for future generations.

2. Create a Memory Box

Create a family memory box filled with objects and images that remind you of key events and moments. When you open the box, use the objects to prompt a retelling of a family memory.

3. Share Challenging Experiences

If a loved one is going through a difficult situation to which you can relate, do not be afraid to share your experience with them. Family storytelling enables people to learn about powerful emotions and cope with life’s challenges in a safe environment.

Stories Can Be Keepsakes 

Do you pass along your family stories to others? To your grandchildren? Do you give them tidbits of information and memories that they can hold onto? If so, your family is already enjoying the benefits of storytelling.

Your loved ones will associate an emotion with the stories they are told, helping them remember them for years to come. They will also be thankful down the road to have had these memorable conversations with their grandparents and other family members after they are gone. Stories are memories and keepsakes they can hold on to forever.

About Friends Life Care

Friends Life Care is a Quaker values-based nonprofit that offers a Continuing Care at Home Program for aging adults. The program has a bundle of important services older adults need to age in place:

• Concierge Services for home, health, and life
• Care Coordination – an advocate by your side to help navigate through challenges the later years may bring
• Home assessments with recommendations to make your home aging in place ready
• Financial benefit to pay for care if and when you may need it
• Educational and informational events, content, and programming with a focus on holistic health and prevention: VigR® Vitality, Independence, Growth, Resilience™
• Short- or long-term in-Home Care provided by vetted caregivers with care cost savings passed along to members

 If you are not yet a member, contact us for more information at 215-628-8964 or email: info@flcpartners.org

 

 

 

 

Images from canva.com