Most older adults have already made some of the most difficult decisions in life. They’ve also experienced great highs and lows. And now, they might wonder, “Was it a meaningful life?”

Would you answer that with integrity or despair?

The basis is of the question is based on Erik Erickson’s stage theory of psychosocial development. In the final stage – when people hit 65 – many older adults reflect consciously and unconsciously, ask themselves, “Did I live a meaningful life?”

For those who say, “Yes, it’s been meaningful,” reflect with integrity.

Unfortunately, some older adults don’t see much meaning in the life they’ve lead. And that’s despair.

What do you feel?

Older adults wonder if they’ve lead a meaningful life when their own mortality comes to mind. That often happens when you experience life altering events such as retirement, the loss of a spouse or friends or a life-threatening diagnosis.

What do you experience – integrity or despair – as you reach this stage in life and think about it’s meaning and quality?

Integrity is often reflected in positive feelings of success, acceptance for what’s happened, lack of regret and peace of mind.

On the flipside, despair feels negative. You might associate with feelings of regret or hopelessness, or ruminate over wasted time, mistakes and unproductive endeavors. And that’s not a healthy place for any older adult to be when aging in place.

And when you face despair, you might need help moving from it to integrity.

Why integrity is essential

Most people have a different opinion of satisfaction and success. It doesn’t just appear in dollar signs, a huge family or a stellar career. For most, it’s a sense of satisfaction with a life well lived. Or, as Erickson put it, integrity is “the acceptance of one’s one and only life cycle as something that had to be.”

For some, that might be money in the bank. For others, it could be enough in the bank and more to charity. While some might consider a decorated military career life’s satisfaction, others are satisfied with a home well-kept and loved. Regardless of what satisfies you, the goal is a feeling of wholeness the lived so far.

It’s especially important because there’s a downside to facing despair: It can lead to depressive symptoms such as sadness, hopelessness and worthlessness. It can also reduce life satisfaction, which can affect older adults’ ability to cope with stress.

How reflect, find integrity

Here are five ways to reflect, increase integrity and decrease regret:

• Talk about it. If you struggle with big questions like, “Have I lead a meaningful life?” reach out to your support system such as a family member, friend, therapist or even your care coordinator. Talking about your feelings can help validate the positive ideas.
• Help others. Check in with the people who often support you and see how you might help them. Doing good for others can help you recognize – and feel good about – your role in the community. Even better, you might find you aren’t alone in this reflection stage.
• Nurture and seek meaningful relationships. High-quality relationships make all phases of life better. It’s important to focus on people you care about and who care about you. And work at making peace with relationships that haven’t gone well or are toxic.
• Reframe. It’s nearly impossible to reach the later stages in life without some regrets. So, rather than dwell on regrets, reframe the events that lead to them. Step back and look at what you learned from them, and what you did differently going forward that resulted in positive outcomes.
• Practice more gratitude. “Count your blessings,” to borrow a phrase. Spend time every day focusing on the positive aspects of your life and being thankful for them. Spend less – or no – time dwelling on the negative.