Shift from Aging to Growing –

When you are a child, we talk about how you are growing or developing.  But at some point, when you are an adult, we say you are aging.  Why is this?  Is it because of our culture, upbringing, biases, stereotypes, values, or expectations?  Simply stated, it’s because of accidental ageism.

Often, we accidentally commit ageist blunders because it is so ingrained in us.  However, if we shift our language from “aging” to “growing”, we can begin to play in a new arena and take the first step toward eradicating ageism.

What is Ageism?

What exactly is ageism, why is it important to disarm it, and what steps can you take to avoid accidentally perpetuating it?  Ageism is making assumptions about someone based purely on their age.  It involves stereotyping, prejudice, and discrimination towards others, again strictly based on age, not on facts, skills, or experience.   Ageism affects all ages yet most prominently, is directed toward older adults.  It impacts them at work, in their personal lives, and often slams doors shut.

Ageism may start accidentally, for example, with jokes about aging.  Many of us, young and old alike, will laugh at these jokes.  Sometimes, it’s helpful to laugh at ourselves as a stress reliever.  But frequently, these jokes are built on the underlying belief that there is something wrong with being old.  And this is a belief we truly do not want to perpetuate.

Ageism is usually negative, unrealistic, and based on assumptions.  For example, the belief that older people are forgetful, dependent, in poor health, and inept with technology.  At the same time, not all older people are wise and kind, another example of how assumptions just don’t work.

While age certainly does affect who you are as a person, it is only one of many ingredients.  People age in different ways and at different rates.  It is a unique process that draws on our physical and mental capacities, experiences, and outlooks.

Why should we take on ageism?

Our nation looks at aging in an unbalanced fashion, focusing on the negative changes and challenges that occur.  Ageist attitudes, thoughts, and actions can make you feel undervalued. It can have a significant effect on your mental and physical health, your self-worth, social life, and finances.

Research shows that ageism leads to significantly poorer health outcomes and higher healthcare costs.  It can also trigger or worsen depression, cause people to feel lonely and isolated, contribute to cognitive declines, and is even linked to earlier death rates.

But there is an “aging underdog” we don’t hear much about – the unique value of our experience, wisdom, perspective, lessons learned, skills, and accomplishments accrued over many years.  How we think and talk about aging is key.

Sara Breindel is Chief of Staff at Changing the Narrative– one of the United State’s leading efforts to change how people think, talk, and act about aging and ageism.  According to Sara and the research she embraces, having a positive view of aging can extend a person’s life by an impressive 7.5 years!

What is the alternative? 

Aging can be embraced.  There is a new reality of aging, a new phase called elderhood.  In this new paradigm, growth continues and enables you to be relevant, fulfilled, and active.  Your platform is opportunity.  You get to determine how you will express your purpose and leverage your skills, talents, and experience.  The end goal is to change what it means to be older for the better, so you can live longer, healthier, happier, and as a contributor.

How do you make this happen? 

A first step is to manage your own internalized ageism, accidental as it may be, which can cause you to think that you’re finished growing, don’t deserve to be fulfilled, or that it is just too hard to learn new things at your age.  However, one thing you can always change is your mindset.  As you shift how you approach aging and model this with your behaviors, not only will you benefit but you will inspire the next generation to think differently about aging.

What else can you do to prevent and stop accidental ageism?

Strengthen Intergenerational Bonds – Spend time with people of all ages to challenge stereotypes in person.  Demonstrate your vitality in whatever form it takes.

Push Back on Ageist Messaging – Challenge ageist myths and comments in a respectful, appropriate way.  Be conscious of your own accidental ageist language, too.

Defy Stereotypes – Stay active, socialize, and keep learning new things.

Change your Focus to the Positive – Focus on the gains and opportunities that come with aging.

Manage Stress – Learn how to manage stress to stay confident and build self-esteem, which will help you counter depression and chronic health issues.  Exercise regularly, use relaxation techniques, practice good sleep hygiene, and create healthy eating habits.

When we slip into accidental ageism, inadvertently we tell the next generation that it is okay to accept ageism.  Ageism as it exists today blocks opportunity.  But a growth mindset for elderhood focused on growth, development, and opportunity opens the path to the best years of life for you and generations to come.

 

Contributed by:

Jan M. Zacharjasz, MS, PCC, CPC, ELI-MP, founder of Coaching for Resilience, is a Professional Certified Coach, workshop facilitator, and sought-after speaker on resilience.  She helps people in mid- to later life gain resilience through unexpected work, health, and family challenges so they can regroup, recover, and move forward with confidence and thrive again.  She has been recognized as a Top Life Coach by Coach Foundation.

During COVID, Jan created resilience skill-building workshops, delivering them to hundreds of individuals and workers nationwide to overcome isolation and burnout and build morale and connections.  Jan sees resilience as an antidote for managing the abundance of unexpected change that occurs in mid to later life.

She’s passionate about making resilience tangible and learnable for overcoming challenges of all kinds.  She uses simple, immediately usable practices so clients come away with relief, noticeable results, and healthy mindset shifts.

In addition, Jan provides life-purpose and energy assessments, is an advocate for positive aging, and serves on numerous Boards, including the Life Planning Network.  A proud member of the Sandwich Generation with caregiving responsibility for her mother and mother-in-law for over 20 years, Jan brings unmatched sensitivity, kindness, resourcefulness, and diligence to her clients.

For more information, visit www.coachingresilience.com.

 

Friends Life Care posts on the eMeetinghouse blog. as another way to share holistic wellness topics with aging adults.  Friends Life Care is a mission-driven Quaker value-based nonprofit with a mission to help seniors thrive at home as they age.  If you are not yet a Friends Life Care member, connect with us and learn about the benefits of joining.  

Membership is open to people aged 40 – 85, in reasonably good health who are residents of southeastern Pennsylvania or Delaware.