We all love stories — it’s why we’re drawn to reading, watching television, following the news, listening to the events of our friends’ days, and sharing our own greatest moments. Have you ever wondered why we’re so fascinated by stories? It’s not just for the entertainment value — it’s because stories bind us together, allow us to feel heard, and assure us we have the strength and confidence to carry on.

If you’ve lived on this earth for any number of years, you have a story worth telling, and it could be very beneficial for you to share your life experiences with your children and grandchildren. As the co-author of Your Child Year by Year, Claire Halsey, explains, “Our identity is strongly tied to our family and its history; not only where we’ve come from, but the family characteristics such as adventure, courage, creativity and even the jobs or achievements of family members.”

Halsey also says family storytelling reinforces family characteristics and establishes the connection between generations in even the simplest way when, in a story, a child is told of characteristics they share with a parent or other relative.

Let’s further explore why sharing stories is important.

The Benefits of Storytelling

There are so many benefits to storytelling — from instilling virtues in our children to helping them form identities. As you explore some of the advantages of sharing stories about your family, you’ll realize why so many people make traditions of gathering around the dinner table or at family reunions.

Instill Virtues

Stories that have meaningful messages can instill virtues in your child; they can make them aware of their own culture and roots, opening them up to their family’s customs and traditions. While telling warm family stories can delight everyone, it’s important to share the challenging times as well.

When your children and grandchildren hear how you handled a crisis or tragedy, they will be more likely to model those same behaviors when they face a challenge. It will also show them that strength and resiliency run in the family, so they have what it takes to survive until good times come around again.

Develop Skills

Children are constantly observing the world around them and absorbing the words of others. You can ensure they develop the skills they need to navigate the world as successful adults by sharing stories from your past. For example, storytelling can improve your child’s listening skills, language skills, and sharpen their memory.

Shape Identity

On a deeper level, telling your children family stories can help them form their own identities. They will understand where they’ve come from, what their ancestors have been through, and recognize where their similarities and differences lie. Once they can fit themselves into their family’s shared history, their confidence will grow, and they’ll experience greater psychological wellbeing.

Backed by Research

Are you still wondering why sharing stories is important and if it can really make that much of a difference telling your loved ones about your past experiences? Well, over the years, there have been several studies showing that children who know more about their family’s history have more control over their lives and higher self-esteem. One such study was conducted in 2001.

Psychologists Dr. Marshall Duke and Dr. Robyn Fivush developed a measure called the “Do You Know?” scale that asked children to answer 20 questions. Questions included: Do you know where your grandparents grew up? Do you know where your mom and dad went to high school? Where your parents met? Do you know of an illness or something terrible that happened in your family? Do you know the story of your birth?

Dr. Duke and Dr. Fivush asked those questions of four dozen families in the summer of 2001 and taped several of their dinner table conversations. They compared the children’s results to several psychological tests the children had taken. The result? The more children knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem, and the more successfully they believed their families functioned.

The “Do You Know?” scale turned out to be the best single predictor of children’s emotional health and happiness. This health and happiness were highly attributed to the transferring of family history and information through the art of storytelling.

A Real-Life Example: The Stories That Bind Us

The New York Times published an article titled “The Stories That Bind Us,” a narrative by author Bruce Feiler. The narrative tells stories about the challenges Feiler faced at family parties that made him feel like the family was falling apart. The challenges included differences in parenting and overall tension surrounding child and parent behavior and interaction. The conflict led him to wonder what the “secret sauce” is that holds families together.

After much contemplation, Feiler determined the bottom line is, “If you want a happier family, create, refine and retell the story of your family’s positive moments and your ability to bounce back from the difficult ones. That act alone may increase the odds that your family will thrive for many generations to come.” Retelling stories about your family to your children will help them, too, triumph through difficult times and focus on the positive ones.

Tips for Collecting Memories & Telling Family Stories

Jonathan Douglas, director of the National Literacy Trust, has these top tips for parents to encourage family storytelling:

Start Sharing Stories Now

It’s never too early to share family stories. Research shows that by the age of five, children in “word-poor” households have heard nearly 30 million fewer words than their peers, and this holds them back when they start school. What’s more, teenagers in families who regularly talk about their history have higher self-esteem, stronger self-concepts, better coping skills, and are more resilient. So, start sharing your family history, and watch as your children and grandchildren benefit from the art of storytelling.

Encourage Them to Dig Deeper

All families have traditions and a story to tell about them! If your traditions are steeped in history, encourage your child to do some research and find out everything they can. Also, get your child to speak to as many different family members as possible about the traditions, from grandparents to aunties, uncles, and cousins.

Create a Memory Box

Create a family memory box and fill it with objects and images that remind you of key events and moments. Whenever you open the box, use the objects to prompt the retelling of a family memory.

Share Your Challenging Experiences

If your child is going through a difficult situation to which you can relate, don’t be afraid to share your experience with them. Family storytelling enables children to learn about powerful emotions and cope with life’s challenges in a safe environment

Protect Your Future to Keep Sharing Your Stories

Do you tell family stories to your children? To your grandchildren? Do you give them tidbits of information and memories that they can hold onto? If so, your family is already enjoying the benefits of storytelling. Your children will associate an emotion with the stories they’re told, helping them remember them for years to come. They’ll also be thankful down the road to have had these memorable conversations with their grandparents and other family members after they’re gone. Stories turn into memories and keepsakes that they can hold on to forever.

Just as important as sharing family memories is ensuring you are well-prepared for life in retirement and beyond. Friends Life Care can help you develop a personalized wellness plan with prevention and financial security in mind. We have a range of membership plans that can allow you to age in place comfortably when the time comes.

Contact us by phone, email, or contact form for more information about our memberships and how we can deliver peace of mind.